Every day as the last day of your life…

An intriguing thought pricked my mind when I woke up this morning – What would I do if today is supposed to be my last day on this earth? For a moment I was completely baffled and at loss about the hidden ambiguity in the thought that floated across my mind. The enormity of the question soon engulfed me when I realized that I was particularly clueless on what could exactly be my wish list when I am confronted with such doomsday prophecy. For a moment I brushed it aside saying such things cannot happen to me and I am destined to live jolly-few-more-scores to even contemplate about this thought. Still somewhere in the hindsight it kept my tummy lurching with thoughts that I know neither myself nor my wishes.

Like my usual routine I shot the first mail to my friends and close acquaintances as soon as I reached office - asking the same question. As I waited for their response slowly and steadily the thick veil of smog started to uncover that nebular motif that surrounded my mind. I could sense how much of a stranger I was to myself. I opened an Excel sheet and started typing some not so profound words. As my mind wavered across the various spectrum and ambitions I behold, I got the first response from one of my friends. She wanted to spend the last day of her life with her closest relations, duly apologizing for all the mistakes she has committed, let loose all those hidden words which were cabined in the closet of her heart and pass the entire day savoring the good times she had.

At least I got some idea about myself too. Yes definitely being with my family will stand out as of prime wish. All these materialistic gains and achievements would count nothing if my family is not there to stand by my side in case of such eventuality. Slowly more responses kept pouring in my mail box. Almost each one of them had a remarkable similarity of the way they associated themselves to their family and friends at times of adversary. What amazed me most was even though we human beings are spiritually, biologically and socially drastically different form one another still there is a common thread that binds us -The wish to remain inseparable with close ones.

Remarkable enough each one of us would like to celebrate this judgment day either by calling and meeting friends, eating delicacies or fulfilling all those hidden ambitions without worrying about the future. Another respondent of mine gave a thoughtful insight to her reaction on facing such a predicament. She said she would be thankful to God for giving her the opportunity to know when her end is nearing so that she could make it a special one. I guess none of us would like to leave this beautiful world with unfulfilled heart and mind.

When I was compiling the feedbacks and comparing them with what my half cooked wish list looked like, there was a strange deception about it. We talk about what we do when confronted with such situation but what if we start treating Every single day as the last day of our life. “Quite outlandish!!” rung the words in my eardrums. “Not Exactly!!” said my heart. I wake up every morning thinking about the worries and cacophonous skirmish of thoughts in my mind. I prefer worrying more about what I don’t have to what I have attained. I see myself in mirror and think that another dull day beacons me. I wait for appropriate time and destiny to make things working for me personally and professionally. Would I sit back the same way if today was my last day on this earth? ”No” boomed my heart and mind in resonance.

I want to be a writer then why not start today than waiting for an appropriate time. I want to be a singer then why not hum the tunes than waiting for someone to play the music. We come across several relations in our life – we prize some of them and don’t bother to mend the strained ones. But still I wish that all my friends, families and relatives be near to me when doomsday strikes. I wait for tomorrow to make the things better for me. I start on my route to meet my ambition but loose my way in middle worrying what would happen if I don’t achieve it. None of us would worry for tomorrow if today is supposed to be the last day on this world. I guess waiting for tomorrow, worrying for tomorrow had impaired my existence to great deal. I have plans for future but I don’t know how to use my present.

I sense the beam of ray penetrating this smog was provided by my friends within whom I could see my reflection, my present. There are lot of unfulfilled tasks that is waiting for me to get actuated. There are many to whom I need to pay gratitude for what I have achieved, there are lot more to whom I have to apologize for not meeting their desires. There are bunch of them to whom I waited to say how dearly I love them and be with them if not physically at least spiritually.

I think the luckiest are the ones who wake up in morning knowing what they have to do to conquer the present. Not only professionally but also on personal front. The spark of enlightenment first showed its sign when I called up my parents to just wish them a good day. Somewhere down the line I had started taking my family and friends for granted assuming to be there by my side whenever I pull up the strings. May be it is the time to treasure them in my life and pay the gratitude for their love, affection and sacrifice not only today but every single day. I apologized to some of my lost mates with whom gulf kept growing broader with period of time. It was time not to crib about mistakes I committed but take them as lessons that I learnt from them.

I wish this spark continues to bestow us with blissful and meaningful “today” everyday. I hope I can use my present to make my future brighter. I forget the past and stop worrying about future for present beacons me with an open arm.
By the way this morning the thought struck in my mind because I dreamt of the Monk who sold his Ferrari coming to me and asking the same question

Confronting Negative Wavelengths…

Finally I finished reading the book “The Monk who sold the Ferrari”. Though pretty much lucid and concise in format it’s nothing sort of an epic. An epic of battle between mind and peripheral ambience which tends to sink a person into distress and oblivion. Its struggle about keeping oneself happy in face of adversity. It’s seeking opportunity even in time of distress and most of all its trying to understand any bitter experience not as mistake but a lesson in evolving a personality.

Through the pages I could distinctly identify the protagonist Julian and John with myself, with people associated with me in present and ones with whom I interacted in past. I have often believed that human mind is full of mixed emotions and it’s very difficult to chuck out negative thoughts straight away. It takes years for few people to practice this virtue, for some it even take entire life time. Few of us like me try to find peace in the words of writers who had experienced such conflict in their lifetime and showed the grit to imbibe such rare virtue.

But for rarest of rare it comes as an inherent quality. Negative thoughts never seem to cripple their life. No matter whatever the situation is, they face it with a broad smile and perhaps use it as a repelling force to push away all the unsynchronized wavelengths that disturbs the harmony of the mind. Sweet are the uses of adversity seems to be their mantra and I presume the tranquility that they possess has calming effect in and around their entity.

One of my really good mates Karthik Sampath is one such kind of a person. Smile seems to be glued to his face permanently and I presume it’s more to do with the tranquility factor of his mind that it never ceases to beam in full glow. Smile is much like a positive “virus”, its infectious and best cure for all the aliments. Unfortunately most of us somehow forget this basic art amidst the conundrum of modern times. Inadvertently once I asked Karthik “When did you last cry?” After long thought he said “I don’t remember”. I further poked him “When did u loose control over your anger?” Again after thinking really hard he couldn’t figure out when he exactly came across such situation.

Few people pretend to be emotionally strong. Many appear to be one. But the one who actually are need not require a designation. From the aura that surrounds them it becomes apparent about the charm and exuberance that they effuse. Karthik might have rift with many people, he might have engaged in brawl with lot more but it’s nearly impossible to etch out a bad word about anyone. Sometimes he may sound politically too correct but I guess this is his very nature and the way we have grown up in a cynical environment it’s difficult to imagine such kind of human existence.

It’s said “Perfection can’t be Bettered”. But I was blessed to live in august company of another such perfectionist Barat, one of the closest pals of mine. Normally we associate perfectionist with the profession and output we dole out. However after reading “The Monk…” I have started believing perfectionists are the ones who keep their virtues intact even when in strife. Like most Scorpions seeking pleasure in happiness of others seems to be the basic essence of his life and invariably he is right there next to you when you need a support. It’s almost impossible to quantify the worth of such a person unless they are separated by geographical constraints that you realize their real worth.

It requires tremendous discretion to view only the affirmative and affable side of a person to present your helping hand whenever the other is in dire straits. May be again the repelling phenomenon is quite high in his Emotional Quotient. The ability to present a strong persona nonetheless is portrayed in incognito by most of us for none of us want to be clubbed weak. But deep within we know there is a sense of insecurity of negative wave taking charge of our mindset. I guess people like Barat and Karthik personify one of the various facets that the author wanted to be transmitted into each and every individual. Their very presence at times becomes critical to surmount the unflinching challenges that confront us.

May be the tribe of their kind grow further.Ahem!!

Wish affection is bestowed not by words but by action

I am completing my second year in the software industry and yet I wonder in spite of scribbling and presenting opinion on almost all facet of my life, I had conspicuously skipped professional motifs in my write ups. May be the passion and emotions that is required to unscramble the thoughts and pen down on piece of parchment never infused within my veins. Somehow there was an oddity about the environment and work culture which kept repelling me in imbibing the jargons, motifs, ethics etc.

Relationship with a person or an abstract thing like a company doesn’t require enough time to strike the chord. Either you like it or you don’t .There is no gradual shifting of affiliation. It’s been two days in this new company and remarkably I sit down on my desk to write on the topic which remained aloof from my mind for past two years, May be that’s the synchronization that I was referring to. I didn’t even have to ponder what I am supposed to write.

When I joined Manhattan Associates the most notable feature that struck my mind was equanimity and humbleness in the ambience. The cafeteria of the office is pretty decent and sober by software industry standards. There is a placard at the entrance which said “Please Help Yourself.” Very simple three word senetence which is insignia of any self service restaurant. Out here I could found the meaning of these words in practice. After finishing their lunch each and every employee cleaned their plates and properly stacked the bowl, spoon and plates in their respective compartments. There are companies boosting about the jargon of equality in the work culture, tagging their employees with designer words etc etc. I presume they miss out important people like office boys, maids and security guards who ensure our stay in office is pleasurable. This small reflection of culture practiced at Manhattan was an overwhelming experience.

I distinctly remember my first day at Cognizant. As a fresher with immense enthusiasm and aspirations I entered the fortress like campus of CTS. Still recuperating from the awe of the ambience , the mechanical precision with which Human Resources people doled out the ethics and rules coated with fancy jargons was enough to suggest that I am been shown a favor by been inducted in this large behemoth. A fresher brings in energy and ideas which is vital ingredient for success of any organization. Successful sporting teams will throw this distinct pattern that youth blended with certain amount of experience always reach astounding heights. Be it Chicago Bulls, Argentinean Football team of ’86 or our very own Indian Cricket team. For youth doesn’t carriage baggage of failure and sees every morning as the one of which he is the master. Unfortunately the IT industry hasn’t learnt this lesson as yet. The iterations in work, unmethodical chalking out the career paths, immense restrictions kills the bud within.

A new member in a family is welcomed with warmth, smile and flavor of festivity. A new born baby is cynosure of everyone. I had read in my school books the old verse of Kabir which said “Be like a tree who bends in humbleness because of uncountable number of fruits that decorates its branches.” I guess an organization is no different than a tree. Yet that humbleness somewhere gets lost when the family arc increases in diameter. I don’t know where Manhattan will stand ten years down the line in practicing the family like virtues. But the way I was welcomed into the organization somewhere left an indelible impression in my mind. From the security guard to the receptionist to the office boy to the HR people. Each one of them had natural warmth effusing from their face. No cosmetic jargons. No tread-of- mill repulsive lectures. No mistrust. No restriction. That’s what you want in your family …isn’t it??? Very basic virtues but I suspect how many organization practices it

I have often resisted been clubbed as a Resource in an organization. I believe be it a sweeper or a Managing Director of a company, he is human being. Not a raw material that you can stack up in your warehouse. An employee is your team mate not the piece of carton whom you can shelf when not required and pull in with a tag of “Critical” in case of emergency. No employee can be a resource or for that matter “Critical Resource”. Each one of them has a human existence and is equally important in growth of the organization. Just to sound fancy we are diluting somebody’s very existence. I don’t think any mother will ever refer one of her child as “Critical child” just because he has got the due opportunities that others missed out.

Parting away from a family is always a difficult proposition. You want to carry as many good moments as you can. I guess that’s why the concept of Farewell was introduced. Wherever you go, whatever you do…Our wishes will be with you. I presume by clubbing the employees as resources most industry have restricted their relations to highly materialistic level. I suspect how many of our parents will call us opportunistic if we endeavor for better career in far off place and leave the family fold. Presumably an organization is supposed to be like a family where old relations give way to newer breed.

Before bidding farewell to Cognizant I encountered an interesting incident. After finishing all my formalities at CTS I had to return my company ID. While coming out of the main exit gate I thought of taking the picture of the company building as a memorabilia. I took the way to entrance gate and was promptly stopped by the security guard. Now this was the same security guard with whom half and hour back I had jolly-good-friendly chat when I was in possession of the company badge. As expected he didn’t want to risk his job and even though he was aware about the situation he didn’t allow me to enter within an inch of premises. Finally to stroll inside the campus for 120 sec, I had to take a visitor pass. May be there was a poetic personification of my metamorphosis from an “associate” to a “stranger” in a “family” like organization.

Child and Beast within us

Finally Pramod Mahajan had to yield against the Indomitable Death. John Donne wrote in his masterpiece poetry Death Be Not Proud:

For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill mee.
From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee,
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow

I presume there has been plethora of paean and eulogy sung in memory of departed soul .And any further addition from this end will sound hackneyed. Today I sit down to write this blog not to lament but to scrutinize the feeble yet freakish human mind. There have been thousand and one conspiracy theories circulating in media yet nobody is taking the ostensible fact: A brother can be so raged due to negligence shown by his sibling that in fit of anger he can go and kill the person.

Truly it may sound as a dry excuse and I haven’t any distant idea of what criminal psychology is all about. Yet I would like to put up a very simple question. What will you do if you find out that your girl friend has dumped you when through out your life you had been devoting your mind and soul to make her happy? One fine day you discover that she is been wooed by someone else on pretext that you didn’t give her those usual dolly-good-last-night-kisses. For that matter take yourself as younger brother been constantly bullied by your elder siblings. Nobody paying attention to what you say and what is your perspective. When you are in crisis of your lifetime you find your self been shown a nonchalant and ignorant response from your blood relations. What will be your reaction?

I have no intention to rally for Pravin Mahajan , brother of deceased. Still I would like to believe that trying to sound virtuous and hypocritical that “How can he do it?”…we all are fooling ourselves. Its normal homo sapiens’ tendency to react strongly when you feel let down by the people with whom you have certain expectations. Just like different elements in Mendelif’s periodic table the level of reaction depends upon their stability which is mind in this case. A strong family bonding always provides an inert atmosphere which keeps human being immune from relational trauma. This person is no rank criminal which has been justified by his reaction and level headedness after the incident.

A Greek philosopher said “No man is an island”. How much self-reliant and emotionally strong we may be, still at some point of time you need a shoulder to rest your head upon, a lap where you can cuddle yourself like a child. People look for a boy friend/girl friend/life partners to cut loose those childish emotions which may look ridiculous in front of you and me. As we all grow up, we are expected to behave in matured way keeping all the innocence and childishness in shackles. I wonder how would a child react if he finds his favorite candies been stolen by his elder brother or his favorite toy been broken by his sister. Of course we never expect him to sit quiet and practice wisdom of life “Forgive and Forget”.

“The Child is father of a Man” said Wordsworth.Shakespeare described old age as “Second Childishness”. I presume certain philosophers could distinctly see that child quotient within each one of us. For some like any “abnormality”, which I refuse to term the word as, this quotient is pretty high. I won’t like my mother’s love and affection to be shared by any other person. Neither would I see my sister treating someone less at par with me and giving him a brotherly affection. I guess neither would you. Unfortunately in spite of having a beast and a child within ourselves we sound perplexed when some body can’t control this confabulation within his mind. His only mistake that it has become apparent in public eye.

I might have committed scores of crime in hiding where nobody could have chance of nailing me down. I have let out the beast within me to such an extent that it diluted my persona. The Jekyll and Hyde conflict rages within me every moment I see my self in reflection. Yet I try to sound virtuous by condemning a perfectly normal person for his indifferent ability to control the beast plus child within himself. Unfortunately I been a part of society am not willing to accept convicts within my periphery. I suspect whether you would do any thing different? Neither I nor my society is pragmatic enough to give conducive environment to people with such indifferent ability to rectify themselves.

We all believe Bad is as dark as the color BLACK and Good is as pure as color WHITE. I am white and you are black. That’s the human philosophy.